No Turning Back
by Bella-trix-the-strange
Summary: Lily Evans might finally be falling for James Potter, but what will happen when she finds out her best friend is in love with her? How far will Severus Snape go to make Lily realise she has to love him too? Rated M for a reason L/S L/J


**A/N: Hey guys! So this is something I've been working on for a little while and it still needs a _lot_ of work, so I hope you'll bear with me. I just wanted to know how you guys were responding to the general premise and if you have any suggestions, feel free to voice them! I haven't decided if this is a one-shot or if I will continue this into a multi-chapter story, but I hope you enjoy what I have so far!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Harry Potter related...that's all the lovely JKR's**

"Hey Evans!"

"Yes, Potter?"

"There's a Hogsmeade trip next week, care to join me?"

"As I've told you hundreds of times before, no, I will not go out with you."

"Ahh…you're weakening, I can tell. And you can't hide from me in the Heads' dorm…"

As Lily strode away, she had one last look at James Potter's confident, hopeful face, and she barely repressed a smile. In all honesty, after a solid five years of being asked the same question, her resolve _was _weakening a bit. And James was right; the two of them sharing the Head's dorm wasn't helping. Grinning, Lily continued on to meet her best friend, Severus Snape, in the library to go over their Potions essay.

* * *

Severus sat secluded in the deepest corner of the Hogwarts library, a place so isolated he was sure that only he and Lily knew of it. He appeared to be going over some schoolwork, but in actuality he was thinking longingly of the girl who was now making her way up to the library to meet him. Just the thought of her made him smile like a lunatic.

He had known how he felt about her since before they were even at school. It had been 8 years since they had met, and Lily was still ignorant of his feelings. They had always been friends, best friends in fact, and she seemed content to leave it at that. With a bitter sigh he turned his Potions essay over, and looked up to see the object of his musings standing before him. She was wearing a look that he had seldom seen, but whenever it appeared it made his insides wriggle with jealousy. She had just had a run-in with Potter.

"And what has put you in such a delightful mood?" Severus asked, already knowing the answer.

Coming out of her reverie, she closed her eyes before replying, as if to decide whether to keep it to herself or not. The sun was setting, and the pinkish orange glow of the last rays of sunlight illuminated her face from the nearest window, shimmering on her auburn hair. Severus drank in her beauty hungrily.

"Nothing." She replied simply.

"It's not 'nothing', Lily, come on. Tell me!" he insisted, wishing he was wrong.

Lily heaved a sigh. "Fine, Sev, but only because you're my _best _friend and you wouldn't tell anyone, right?

"Cross my heart and hope to die"

"Well, I've just seen James and-" Lily began, but she was cut off by Severus.

"-ugh… Potter. Finally succumbed to his charms have you? Or did he slip you a Love Potion while you were closeted up together in that dorm of yours? Because, honestly Lily, I thought you were smarter than that." Spat Severus icily, unable to keep the tone of resentment out of his voice.

Lily stuttered incomprehensibly, unsure how to respond.

"How can you tell me you've _fallen _for him when we've sat here so many times before mocking him and his _Marauder_ pals! And speaking of them, Potter has girls practically falling at his feet, how do you know he and those _Gryffindors_," he spoke the word with the utmost contempt, "don't just have same elaborate bet going to see if he can nail the one girl who's not interested?" Severus's voice resounded throughout the room, but it didn't matter, it was late and they alone remained in the library.

At this, Lily, who had been stuck in stunned silence, sprang into indignity.

"What are you saying Severus," matching his contemptuous tone, "that someone like _me_ wouldn't actually be wanted by someone like James Potter? Or anyone for that matter, right?" Lily's anger continued to rise as she spoke. The two of them were standing just inches apart. Severus faltered under her ferocious glare. His black eyes peered at her through the curtains of greasy black hair, a stark contrast to the sallow skin beneath.

"I-I- I didn't mean it like that. Of course you would be…I mean, any guy would be lucky to…" Searching fervently for any way to change the direction of the conversation, Severus blurted: "What do you see in him anyway?"

Caught slightly off guard by this new approach, Lily proceeded hesitantly.

"Well, he's smart. He is Head Boy, he'd have to be…" Lily began.

"I'm smart" muttered Severus feebly.

"- he's funny, he's clever and witty, and I can talk to him."

"We've talked for ages…more than with anyone else" Severus continued in the same quiet, dejected tone.

"- he's good looking, I guess…" Lily blushed at her own words.

"ENOUGH!" bellowed Severus. The word seemed to explode out of him. "I get it alright? You love him like I love you!" The words seemed to have escaped his mouth before he had had a chance to stop them.

Lily was completely taken aback and was unable to speak. Tears welled in her eyes; however she managed to pinpoint something important among the many thoughts bombarding her mind.

"Sev, we're friends. I- I don't think of you in that way…" she spluttered.

At that moment, something shifted in Severus's mind. It suddenly came to him that if he could only show her what he had to offer, kiss her as he so often fantasized about doing, there would be no way she could deny that she loved him back! Acting on this ludicrous notion, Severus lunged forward and grabbed Lily's face in his hands, pulling her into a kiss. The feeling of her soft, warm lips, slightly wet from her tears, was like heaven to him. However, it was short-lived. As soon as she was over the shock of the forced embrace, Lily pushed him off with as much force as she could muster, sending him careening into the opposite wall, nearly toppling a bookshelf. Severus staggered to his feet, a crazed look glazed over his normal expression.

"You would kiss _Potter, _but not me?" He was manic now and had quickly pinned her arms to the wall. She was incapable of fighting him off.

His voice was almost pleading when he said: "I love you Lily. Somewhere deep down, I know that you love me too…" He found it impossible to believe that a feeling that strong, that had burned inside him for so long, could be unrequited. As far as he was concerned, she loved him; she just didn't know it yet. And it was his job to make her realize it.

* * *

Lily was sobbing hysterically now. She couldn't believe what was happening. Severus took her lack of coherent response as consent. It seemed he was so far gone, so crazed, that at this point he had managed to convince himself that this was what Lily wanted. So, taking full advantage of the situation, he let go of her wrists and moved his hands to her waist. Lily struggled harder, but somehow she was still pinned to the wall. With a gasp of horror she realized that Severus's emotions must be so powerful that he had lost control of his magic, and that was what was holding her down. She tried to scream, but no sound came. She cried harder and harder as Severus kissed her neck and collarbone.

His breathing had become erratic and aggressive. Attempts to break free were met by renewed force from the boy that Lily had thought to be her best friend. She could feel bruises forming on her face, her back, her chest…Severus had his hand up her shirt and was forcefully groping her breasts in his frenzied state of desire. With his other hand he had grabbed her butt from underneath her skirt. With a burst of uncontrolled magic, her blouse sprang open and Severus was allowed what he so eagerly craved. He tore off her skirt and ripped apart her bra and underwear. He stood back and appraised her naked form with an almost starved expression. His eyes were beyond reason, clouded with lust and madness.

"I'm going to make love to you, because I love you so much…" purred Severus as he began to undress. He gagged her with his Slytherin tie to muffle her screams of terror. As he removed his boxers and revealed himself to her, Lily shut her eyes tight and whimpered, unable to take in what was about to happen.

He returned to her, and began once again caressing her all over. He kissed her from her throat all the way down her torso and then kissed the inside of her thighs. He relished in her warm, heady scent and luxuriated in the feel of her creamy alabaster skin. He began nipping at her skin, causing little red marks wherever he bit. He bit at her nipples, drawing blood, and then sucked it up like a vampire. Her violent struggles only aroused him further and he was quite hard by this point. He grabbed her by the shoulders and slowly slid himself inside of her. He began pumping in and out steadily, and despite herself, Lily's body responded, bucking forward to meet his touch. Their movements grew faster and faster until Severus finished inside of her. He pulled out, satisfied, and sat panting on the floor next to Lily.

In an instant, Lily could feel it. The uncontrolled magic had ceased and she was released. She slumped forward, too weak to make a bid for freedom and managed to croak, "Severus…why…"

At the sound of his name, Severus looked up and seemed to recover from his maniacal state. He stepped backwards looking at the crumpled figure of the one he loved and he realized all at once the severity of his actions.

"What have I done?" he cried, his voice wavering. As tears of shame and revulsion found their way to his eyes, Severus did a quick spell which restored both their clothes to their bodies, and then tore from the room.

* * *

Lily could barely move. It was pitch black and she knew it was too late for anyone to be coming through the library. If she didn't get up to leave, she wouldn't be found until morning. But she was still in such shock; her body seemed to be rooted in place. Severus –_Severus_- had just raped her. He had claimed to love her…but then he had gone crazy…she had trusted him…

In a daze she managed to bring herself to her feet, and she staggered out of the library. The events that had just taken place had made her extremely paranoid and she feared every small sound. Footsteps were approaching. Terrified, Lily pressed herself against a wall, hidden in shadows. As the footsteps came closer, Lily heard, with a rush of relief, a warm, deep voice that she knew only too well.

"Evans?" said James hesitantly.

At this, Lily gave up all pretenses and fell to the ground.

"Lily? _Lily!?!?_'

James stared in horror at her slumped form, and without further thought, he scooped up her small, light body and carried her swiftly back to their dorm.

* * *

Lily's eyes felt so heavy. She could lie right here forever…she was so warm, so comfortable. But where was she? As the memory of the last few hours crashed over her, Lily awoke with a start to find herself in the Heads' Common Room, alone.

"James? James!" Lily looked around wildly.

"It's ok, I'm here." He seemed to swoop down out of nowhere and took her hands in his. It scared him to feel how small and delicate she was. To him, she had always been headstrong and unconquerable. He loved her for it. But this frail, fragile side only intensified that feeling. He knew then that he would go to the ends of the Earth to stop her from being this broken; he wouldn't let anyone hurt her ever again.

"Where were you?" she asked softly.

"Over there, making you some hot chocolate." James replied, vaguely gesturing in the direction of the kitchenette. "Are you ok?"

Lily looked up into James's face and noted that there was concern etched into every feature. His round, brown eyes were open wide, imploring her to answer.

"I'm alright…" she replied, trying to sit up, but wincing slightly as she did so. The movement didn't go unnoticed by James. He sat down next to the couch where she lay and put his arm on her lap, weighting her back down onto the couch.

"I managed to heal the b- bruises on your face and your cut lip…the worst of the bruising that I could see was on your wrists and arms…I managed to get those too…" It seemed to cause him a great deal of pain to say this, as if he didn't want to think about it any more than necessary. "But, there's some bruising on your back and your uhh…," he gestured to her chest. She could tell he wasn't being suggestive, and he hadn't left these areas untouched out of shyness. He clearly hadn't wanted to do anything about those areas without her consent. Lily's affection and respect for James rose to unprecedented levels.

"I could take you to the hospital wing-" he began.

"No," Lily cut him off, "I trust you."

James worked in silence, not looking anywhere he shouldn't, healing gently. When he was done, he lay her back down on the couch and sat on a chair opposite her.

"Who?"

Lily looked up at him and saw that he was hunched over, elbows on his knees, one hand closed over the other, which was balled into a fist. He was rocking slightly and had a hard expression on his face.

"I'm sorry?" asked Lily, clearly confused.

"Who?! Who did this to you?" He had evidently been holding this in for a long time, waiting until he was sure she was okay before asking.

Lily opened her mouth to say, but then closed it, unable to say the name. It hurt too much to admit that someone whom she had trusted so completely could have betrayed her so deeply. So, instead of answering, Lily decided to ask the questions she had been burning to ask since she had woken up.

"How did you find me?"

"You never came back to the dorm, so I got a little worried. I went to check the Gryffindor Common Room to see if you'd been to study or hang out with your friends, but I got there and Hestia and Emmeline both said they hadn't seen you all evening. Then I remembered you always go to the library with Snape on Friday nights…" James trailed off with a look of dawning comprehension on his face.

"Snape. Severus Snape."

"What?" Lily tried to not betray her thoughts, but she had cringed slightly at the name.

"He did this? _He _did this? I'll kill him…" James seethed.

"No!" yelled Lily. The blazing look on her face was almost frightening.

James was pacing the room, wringing his hands. He was unable to collect his thoughts. All he could think about was causing as much pain as possible to that sniveling creature that had hurt Lily. The only reason James hadn't already set off to pummel every inch of his pale, greasy face was because he hadn't yet decided how best to exact his vengeance. No tactic he thought of seemed horrible enough for the task at hand.

"James, please, stop. You're scaring me." cried Lily, tears seeping down her face for the umpteenth time that night. At her pleading, James softened immediately and sank to his knees in front of her again. He too had tears in his eyes, he felt so extremely powerless to stop her pain.

"What did he do to you?" James asked calmly, his voice quivering slightly. "Did he…touch you?"

Lily nodded tremulously.

"Did he…?" The unspoken words were too much for him.

With renewed tears, Lily nodded again.

James let out a small yelp of shock and sprang up in anger. His eyes blazed and he made to start pacing again, but a small hand closed upon his wrist, still weak, but able to pull him down beside her. Startled by how cold her touch was, he sat down, defeated, and began rubbing her hands and shoulders. Slowly, she fell asleep and James sat there for what seemed simultaneously like a lifetime and an instant, just stroking her beautiful, soft hair, watching her chest rise up and fall down with each breath, feeling her warm breath on his hand. He knew now that she was safe and would remain that way as long as he was alive and well enough to ensure it.

* * *

Lily had never felt so secure in her whole life. She had awoken a long while ago but had continued to feign sleep because she didn't want to disturb the extreme comfort that was being provided by James. Suddenly, she could resist it no more and sat up. James leapt back, obviously both surprised and embarrassed. She laughed at the sight of him sprawled on the ground, his hair flopping in his face. She had regained her strength, so she offered him a hand getting up. He accepted it, but a most peculiar sensation stole over Lily once she had grasped his hand. Before when he had touched her, she had been barely conscious. Now, she was fully alert and was able to appreciate the wonder of his hands. They were big, strong, warm and slightly calloused from strenuous Quidditch training. A tingling feeling began at the point of contact and spread throughout her body. She repressed a shiver of delight with difficulty. It was at that moment that Lily realized that what had been a mounting attraction to James had actually been much more. She cared for him more deeply than she had ever thought possible. It was at this moment that Lily Evans realized she loved James Potter.

It was like looking at him with completely new eyes. It was almost impossible to believe that she'd known him this long and yet felt like she'd never seen him properly until the last few moments. A part of her, the very cynical part, wondered if maybe the sudden strength of her feelings were a knee-jerk reaction to being so hollowed out by someone else. Maybe she was just trying to fill that terrifying void. But a much bigger part of her, the part that wanted nothing more than to never have him leave her sight again, knew that this had to be real. It had to be real because she had just been through one of the worst experiences that anyone could ever go through, and yet she didn't feel as if her world was going to end as long as her hand was touching James'.

**A/N: So what did you guys think so far? Review please! I reeeaaally want your feedback :)**


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